Does God Hate Women?
 |
| Do not own image |
When I was a kid I used to love reading and memorizing the Holy Quran. The thing is that I did not really grasp the meaning of a lot of the verses even though I understood Arabic. Like many of my cousins and friends I just memorized without comprehending. As I grew older I could not help but question some of the verses in the Quran and some ahadith that concern women because they seemed biased and unfair to me. Here is a list of Quran verses and ahadith about women that I found trouble with:
1. Polygamy: Noble Verse 4:3 "If ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans, marry women of your choice, Two or three or four; but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one, or (a captive) that your right hands possess, that will be more suitable, to prevent you from doing injustice." As a women I know that I do not want to share my husband like my husband would not want to share me. Some explanations claim that polygamy can be used when there is a state of war and many men have died leaving a lot of women and children behind or in case of the wife being barren or sick. However, the more research I did, it turned out that polygamy is not binded by any specific reason. It can be used whenever as long as the husband feels that he can be fair despite the wife's wishes.
2. Disobedient wife: "Men are the maintainers of women because Allah has made some of them to excel others and because they spend out of their property; the good women are therefore obedient, guarding the unseen as Allah has guarded; and (as to) those on whose part you fear desertion, admonish them, and leave them alone in the sleeping-places and beat them; then if they obey you, do not seek a way against them; surely Allah is High, Great." [Quran Verse 4:34]. Some scholars explain the beating to be lightly done like with a siwak a small wooden stick used for brushing teeth or a slap on the wrist. But with all seriousness I do not believe this explanation even if I do believe it, it is still humiliating. There is a verse in the Quran about fear of desertion from the husband it does not tell the wife to admonish, banish or beat the husband on the contrary it advises her to seek outside help and urge reconciliation. Why can't this be used with women? why should we be admonished, banished, and hit? we are not animals!And on top of that there is a chapter in hadith dedicated for wife beating.
3. Obedience to husband: The obedience in the Quranic verse 4:34(number 2) is translated as the obedience of wife to her husband which is mandatory. According to a hadith by the prophet he says, “Were I to order anyone to prostrate himself before anyone else, I would have ordered the woman to prostrate herself before her husband.” In addition scholars agree that a women is demanded to obey her husband's wishes unless it is against god. Another hadith says " I saw most of its inhabitants (i.e., hell-fire) women. They said: Why, O Messenger of Allah? He said: Because of their kufr. It was said: Their kufr toward Allah? He said: Their kufr toward their mate and they commit kufr (ingratitude) of good deeds extended even if you extend good deeds to one of them forever but then she sees something from who (which she dislikes) she says: I have never seen any good from you." This is not a marriage relationship this is master-slave relationship. Marriage should be about sharing, respect, compromise and mutual understand not the obedience of wife to husband. What is then the difference between a wife and a slave?! the title! No wonder why some muslim men have a gross sense of entitlement not only are the cultures that they come from usually male dominated, they also see it as a god given right.
4. Female is half of male: It is ordained in the Quran that a male inheritance should be twice that of a female. Men being responsible for their families, is the usual explanation given. But that is not always the case the first wife of the prophet, Khadija, was wealthier than the prophet and she helped him. Similarly a lot of women today work and help their families along side their husbands. A husband inherits half from his wife if she does not have a child and inherits a quarter if she has a child. A wife inherits a quarter from her husband if he has no children and one-eighth if has children, and if the husband happens to be married to more than one wife and he has children then the wives split the one-eighth of the inheritance equally between them. This means two wives inheritance is 1/16, three wives 1/24, four wives 1/32 each. That is negligible compared to the husband who gets at least a quarter from each wife that he is married to. It is also worth noting that blood money(case of accidental death) also follows similar rules, the blood money for a male is twice that for a female. I was once reading a story about a women and her child that died in a car accident, the blood money of the young child was twice that of his mother even though she was the care taker because the child was a male.
Although I am muslim and I do believe in god, I cannot deny that these rulings are unfair and biased. Indeed it does make muslim women look like second class citizens and muslim men as oppressors and self-centered. This does not mean that every muslim women is living by these commands but making them the role model of how a muslim women should be is troubling in it self. There are other points that I wanted to add but this post is getting too long, I'll leave it for another post.
1. Polygamy: Noble Verse 4:3 "If ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans, marry women of your choice, Two or three or four; but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one, or (a captive) that your right hands possess, that will be more suitable, to prevent you from doing injustice." As a women I know that I do not want to share my husband like my husband would not want to share me. Some explanations claim that polygamy can be used when there is a state of war and many men have died leaving a lot of women and children behind or in case of the wife being barren or sick. However, the more research I did, it turned out that polygamy is not binded by any specific reason. It can be used whenever as long as the husband feels that he can be fair despite the wife's wishes.
2. Disobedient wife: "Men are the maintainers of women because Allah has made some of them to excel others and because they spend out of their property; the good women are therefore obedient, guarding the unseen as Allah has guarded; and (as to) those on whose part you fear desertion, admonish them, and leave them alone in the sleeping-places and beat them; then if they obey you, do not seek a way against them; surely Allah is High, Great." [Quran Verse 4:34]. Some scholars explain the beating to be lightly done like with a siwak a small wooden stick used for brushing teeth or a slap on the wrist. But with all seriousness I do not believe this explanation even if I do believe it, it is still humiliating. There is a verse in the Quran about fear of desertion from the husband it does not tell the wife to admonish, banish or beat the husband on the contrary it advises her to seek outside help and urge reconciliation. Why can't this be used with women? why should we be admonished, banished, and hit? we are not animals!And on top of that there is a chapter in hadith dedicated for wife beating.
3. Obedience to husband: The obedience in the Quranic verse 4:34(number 2) is translated as the obedience of wife to her husband which is mandatory. According to a hadith by the prophet he says, “Were I to order anyone to prostrate himself before anyone else, I would have ordered the woman to prostrate herself before her husband.” In addition scholars agree that a women is demanded to obey her husband's wishes unless it is against god. Another hadith says " I saw most of its inhabitants (i.e., hell-fire) women. They said: Why, O Messenger of Allah? He said: Because of their kufr. It was said: Their kufr toward Allah? He said: Their kufr toward their mate and they commit kufr (ingratitude) of good deeds extended even if you extend good deeds to one of them forever but then she sees something from who (which she dislikes) she says: I have never seen any good from you." This is not a marriage relationship this is master-slave relationship. Marriage should be about sharing, respect, compromise and mutual understand not the obedience of wife to husband. What is then the difference between a wife and a slave?! the title! No wonder why some muslim men have a gross sense of entitlement not only are the cultures that they come from usually male dominated, they also see it as a god given right.
4. Female is half of male: It is ordained in the Quran that a male inheritance should be twice that of a female. Men being responsible for their families, is the usual explanation given. But that is not always the case the first wife of the prophet, Khadija, was wealthier than the prophet and she helped him. Similarly a lot of women today work and help their families along side their husbands. A husband inherits half from his wife if she does not have a child and inherits a quarter if she has a child. A wife inherits a quarter from her husband if he has no children and one-eighth if has children, and if the husband happens to be married to more than one wife and he has children then the wives split the one-eighth of the inheritance equally between them. This means two wives inheritance is 1/16, three wives 1/24, four wives 1/32 each. That is negligible compared to the husband who gets at least a quarter from each wife that he is married to. It is also worth noting that blood money(case of accidental death) also follows similar rules, the blood money for a male is twice that for a female. I was once reading a story about a women and her child that died in a car accident, the blood money of the young child was twice that of his mother even though she was the care taker because the child was a male.
Although I am muslim and I do believe in god, I cannot deny that these rulings are unfair and biased. Indeed it does make muslim women look like second class citizens and muslim men as oppressors and self-centered. This does not mean that every muslim women is living by these commands but making them the role model of how a muslim women should be is troubling in it self. There are other points that I wanted to add but this post is getting too long, I'll leave it for another post.
1. Polygamy: Everyone knows that men easily become sexually excited. So some rich Muslim men can't control their sexual desire. So they want to have sex without wasting time. I mean if each of Muslim rich men have only one wife perhaps that wife may go to her parents' house, may be busy with some work or may be sick etc. Then they will have to wait for having sex with their wives. So each of them want more than one wife. Men feel more excitement when they are relaxed specially if they don't have any financial problems, sickness.
ReplyDeletePolygamy is very very rare nowadays.
2. Disobedient wife: Generally, the Prophet (p.b.u.h.) used to discourage his followers from taking even this small measure of hitting. He used to say that the best of men are those who do not hit their wives. In one Hadith he expressed his extreme repulsion from this behavior and said, "How does anyone of you beat his wife as he beats the stallion camel and then embrace (sleep with) her?” (Al-Bukhari, English Translation, vol. 8, Hadith 68, pp. 42-43)
3. Obedience to husband: Husbands take many risks to earn money. They have to too much hard work to earn money. Sometimes it includes life risks too. Even some husbands are forced to do illegal works to earn money for their wives. Some husbands do illegal works and as a result they will have to ask forgiveness otherwise will get punishment in this world or in hereafter. But wives are free from these great problems, worries. Yet, don't you want to be obedient to your husband?
4. Female is half of male: It is because female don't have so much responsibilities like male. Male get double property because they have the responsibility to maintain the cost of their some special female relatives. Men are bound to maintain their wives' necessary expenses.
Your justifications are not sufficient.
ReplyDelete1. Men are humans not animals therefore a certain amount of self restrain is required. Polygamy is in nowhere stated for sexual reasons supposedly!! Not only women are busy or get sick, believe it or not men get sick too and the wives don't sleep around.
2. Generally discouraging something is not enough, harming another person physically should be forbidden, rather seeking common ground or a judge is the way to go for couples especially.
3. Husbands earn money for themselves first and foremost, claiming that the money earned is for the wives is a deceiving statement. I agree that dangerous jobs are mostly taken by men, that may put their lives at risk. But so is giving birth specially in the 14th century! No I don't want to be obedient to my husband, obedience to another human being is for people without a brain.
4. Women also maintain a lot of their family expenses. But in the past and even in some places now those services are not paid for but expected.
This comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteMy deleted 2 comments were Same of it. It is just bigger version. If you don't want to be obedient to your husband, then earn money legally for your own expenses and carry Half of the expenses of your children(after Marriage if u r still unmarried). But Husband still will have right to be intimate with you as per the Marriage contract if he wants to give dower(mahr). If you don't want to obey your husband, you have to make contract with him about your disobedience before marriage & you are supposed to carry your Total expenses, expenditure and Half expenditure, expenses of your children without the help from your husband. In this way, Husband Will never think of even dominate, let alone hitting you. You can't ever expect money or properties or asset from Husband unless you're in a very critical situation. But to make this deal effective, you have to mention your criterias, conditions Before marriage to your fiance(Would be Husband). Not All men will accept such conditions that his wife will work & won't obey him.
DeleteObedience does not mean slavery. Sometimes obedience means supporting.
ReplyDelete1.Men have extra amount of sexual excitement than women. So to control their sexual excitement they need multiple wives. But in this world all men don't get them. Because Allah wants to test men. Muslim men will be given that opportunity in the paradise. Yes, men are humans, so they don't have the opportunity to have sex with whomever they wish. They are allowed to have sex with only their wives and right hand possesses.
ReplyDelete3.Obedience does not mean slavery. Sometimes obedience means supporting. Abiding by your husband's orders you will be rewarded in the hereafter. Don't think this as slavery. Think this(abiding by husband's choice) as the sign of your love towards him.
Why are you skipping the trouble of men? Allah will check men's earnings whether their earnings legal or not. But housewives are free from this problem.
4. The wives who maintain their family expenses partly or totally will be rewarded by Allah. But don't try to earn money without your honest husband's consent if he is able to earn enough money legally.
1) Both men and women experience sexual excitement towards different people.Thinking of an additional women to restrain your" extra amount of sexual excitment" is disrespectful and self centered how can women restrain their sexual excitment with half a man.
Delete2) Do you mean mutual agreement between couples that is not called obedience.
3) It is important for society to recognize the work that women do, saying that you will be rewarded by Allah and not acknowledging it in REAL life is a big problem. Waiting for consent from the husband or other family members to earn money is a form of oppression.
I couldn't agree more sister Sofi there seems to be a heavy burden prevelance to that of male dominance of all things that the opinions of even what a women feels desires or wishes for
ReplyDeleteIs dictated by men, and when women tell the truth of the desire, feelin etc they are told it's shameful and they need to be shy lol a good way to control mans views and perspective Again by making women themselves pass on such silly denials of there own sexuality and desire
DeleteThis mobile site doesn't let me write a whole segment.
DeleteAnyhow science and studies on women sexuality are disproving this male dominanted mentality in sexual desire need and expectation along with intelligence of women being on par with men and exceeding in certain areas of each gender so there definitely needs to be a change of mentality in the muslim world of people with these cultural mentality
As for the polygamy, it is impossible in This world, Idk What you Are writing about! Have you checked the statistics of gender ratio? Right now there are More men than women in the world. Even in Russia, USA etc. where we see More women, Actually less women than men at the Marriage ages there. Russia's population shows More women population than men because women's average life expectancy is 11 years More than men. Women in Average live like 77 years and men live like 66 years in average in Russia. But There Are Far More Number of men in China and India, around 15% More men than women in those most populated countries.
ReplyDeleteAllah gave men permission to marry Upto 4, But realistically it is impossible to get even 1 wife for few men. Don't talk about myth fiction, come back to reality. There are even many Countries where polygamy is forbidden.